Here's a real one.

I find it's very difficult to wrangle the thoughts, ideas, and emotions that I've been having concerning my situation, and the situation of the country as well. On the small scale, I cannot stand to be in debt any longer. I vehemently loathe owing money. I have decided to wage pseudo-militant guerrilla warfare on my financial standing, and my debt is the ace of spades. I am inspired by Dave Ramsey's seven baby steps. Here's the overview of my plan:

Phase one: DECLARE WAR - Reduce the need for debt. Right. Now.
*Cut expenses by ridiculously strict amounts. Easier said than done, but the idea is to do it only for a short period. My goal is a month, however I will consider it successful at 3 weeks. I mainly intend on cutting dining spending by 80%.
*Increase the income. Sell what I can (Those Nikes, Marquee letters, old VHS tapes, old game systems). Save what recycling I can. Save coins and wrap them. Make myself available to work more hours at my second job. Find odd jobs (i.e. Helping my coworker's mother in law pay her bills for $15 an hour). Call friends that owe me money and tell them to pay up. Do. Anything.
*Meet minimum payments to my creditors, plus $10.
*Save $1,000.

Phase two: RALLY THE TROOPS
*Inform family and friends. I'm proud of the cause, and I know they will support it and possibly join as well.
*Lock in to a budget. Delegate every penny of income to a destination envelope and do not deviate (switch to envelope system?)

Phase three: START SHOOTING
*Pay off smallest debts first.
*As smaller debts are paid off, combine thier payments to the payments on remaining debts. Continue until you have the Pigdog's head on a pole.

Phase four: REBUILD
* Stay locked into budget for one month and put all moneys that *were* being paid to creditors into savings.

Phase five: PREVENT RETALIATORY COUPS
*Destroy all new applications. NEVER open the envelope.